Special Issue: the Pigeon Whisperer

In the next Special Issue our team travels to the South of Germany, in a town close to Freiburg im Breisgau, on the border of the Black Forest. We are going to interview Mr. Jörg... it is said that he is a pigeon whisperer. We meet him in a forest close to his hometown. He comes dressed in a balaclava with two feathered friends. We felt a bit frightened so firstly I ask him: Why do you dress like that? Is it because of the cold?. No no, -he says- it is actually because of the pigeon droppings. I'm training Thomas Müller, who now is clumsily moving on my head. Mesut Özil (on my shoulder) is a well trained pigeon that is helping me during this exercise.  Are you using German football players' names? I ask. Yes, yes. I like football and pigeons...so why not combine them? We are surprised how Mesut Özilis stares at Mr. Jörg... just waiting for his command. Jörg takes off the balaclava. He is smiling and looks a friendly person... later we will discover that he is not nice at all because he uses pigeons for unethical purposes.

Jörg poses with Mesut Özil and Thomas Müller on his shoulder and head, respectively.

I invite him to tell us his story. Yes, of course -Jörg says smiling even more broadly-  I have liked pigeons since my childhood.... my father used to breed them. Then, a few years ago I enrolled in the German Army and served in Afghanistan. There, in our base, I met an Afghan man who breeds pigeons too. Pigeon breeding is a very old Afghan tradition but the Talibans banned it... if you like pigeons.... you could be killed as could all your birds.... terrible!!  Anyway, we discovered this hobby in common and we became friends. He tought me about an ancient technique for training pigeons.

Look at that!! he says as he opens the car's boot and a flock of pigeons flies out of it. Now they are heading back home -Jörg says- but look at this formation!!.  We saw the pigeons flying in a perfect V formation: four pigeons lead by a dove. It is awesome!! I said.

Can they form more complicated figures like a heart? -I naively ask- He became very upset: What do you think? That this is the Cirque du Soleil? I spent two years creating this formation.... I don't like to keep the pigeons in the boot because it is very disturbing for them but I did that to impress you and now all you say is that it is not enough? These are the all stars of the SC Freiburg football team!!! I'm Sorry -I said- I didn't know that. He smiled again... don't worry.... let's go to my base. We took the car....  Jörg was driving with Özil and Müller wandering around on the back seat.

When we arrive to his training camp I asked him about his motivation for doing this. Of course, -he says- I like pigeons but I train them for making profit. Unfortunately, my V formation service didn't have much success at weddings and birthday parties. Children usually like to see them flying and enjoy playing with the pigeons but their parents don't think the same.... all because of the bad reputation of pigeons.... if I had flamingos instead..... I would be rich now. I notice some sorrow in him.

Ok. I'm going to show you how I make money. He proudly says while he starts the car engine. He parked his car on one side of a small road and suddenly a pigeon dives very fast swooping down towards the car.... in an instant, without breaking its flight, it poops on the car and flies away.

Miroslav Klose striking the car.

What was that? I exclaimed. That was Miroslav Klose striking the car. But he left a super poo on it! I said. That's the point!!! Jörg said very proudly. Look now how Klose is checking his mess.... I call it double-checking.... if he had failed he would retry later!!!

The proof of Klose's strike.... we can observe him doing the double checking technique.

I don't get the point. I say. What is this for? Very easy: people that hate other people want to piss them off. I can train a striker that is able to poo on his/her car every single day.  My slogan is:

“It’s gonna be quick. It’s gonna be clean. Best of all…it’s gonna be quiet.” audio

Try to imagine that every single morning when you go to your work you receive this kind of present. And the most terrible thing is that it is impossible to prevent it. A real nightmare!!! Ahahaha!!!!

Now our team was completely scared. This man is a greedy bully! He is corrupting the harmless nature of pigeons for making money with evil intentions. We abruptly decided to conclude the interview. 

His last words were... I will train a Cristiano Ronaldo for you!!!

Special Issue: Drug detection using pigeons

In the second edition of the Special Issue our team travels to London, where a group of researchers is developing a new practical use of pigeons for detecting drug dealers. We arrive in Brixton where Liza and Andy are waiting for us. Liza is a biologist specialised in birding. Andy is a programmer.

 My first question is direct. Do you like pigeons? Both of them show a broad grin on their faces. Well, Liza says, I really love them, but my partner doesn't have the same opinion. Andy says very seriously: It is time that pigeons give back to society all that society has given to them. What? I exclaim. We feed them, and we allow them to live with us.... now it is time to take advantage of them. While I’m listening to him, I notice he is full of hatred for pigeons.

Ok. I say. So, what’s the idea? Liza explains us the whole plan: our project consists of two phases. Pigeons are well known for having an excellent smell sense. They even use it for navigation. In the first phase we breed a specific breed of black and white pigeons. During this phase pigeons are conditioned, and are fed only by people that smell of drugs. What kind of drugs? I ask. Currently we are only testing soft drugs. So, you create drug addict pigeons! I exclaim. No, no!, that’s not the idea. Pigeons only receive high quality bird food. They are healthy and clean. It is the feeder who has this specific smell, so the pigeons associate it with food. In the end, when they notice an individual that smells of drugs, they approach him expecting food. 

Ophiuchus 3 feels relaxed after his conditioning.

 Andrew, the pigeon feeder, did a demonstration. We went to a square full of pigeons and we distributed some food. Andrew stood motionless and we observed that only the trained pigeons (white and black specimens) stayed by him. We name the pigeons by the breed followed by a number. All the members of the same breed are brother and sisters. For instance, now we can see Regulus 1, 2, 4 and 5. They smell the drugs on Andrew and they stay close to him. Where is Regulus 3? I ask. It died in an accident a couple of days ago Liza sadly says.

Andrew stands up while Regulus 1, 2, 4 and 5 approach to him.

Survillance cameras in London

There is a moment of silence and Andy resumes the explanation. At this point the second phase starts. I have developed an application that is able to distinguish pigeons with black and white colors. We use an image segmentation algorithm for detecting the specific pigeon patterns of these animals. Then we are able to track multiple pigeons. This algorithm can process this information for each one in real-time. Once it detects a cluster of black and white pigeons, the algorithm issues a warning. It scans the area covered by the selected pigeons and automatically detects the individuals inside of it. These are the potential drug dealers and the local authorities can be automatically warned. Police can send an inspector to interrogate the suspect. London is completely covered by cameras so we can track the whole city with a minimum cost.

Liza shows us how the software detects the pigeons and the potential drug dealer.

Liza interrupts Andy. The general idea is to free these pigeons in parks and they will smell drug dealers. Then, they will approach them (expecting food) and then, the cameras will track these individuals. Yes! Both of them say at once. Clean and clever.

Is this plan currently operative? I ask. Not yet. We are currently finishing the experiments and we have plans to make a proposal to the police department. Then, they will decide to use it or not. We hope that they will accept and pigeons could eventually serve and protect us. The next pigeon should be named Chuck Norris, I suggest to them. A London Ranger, Liza replies laughing.

Special Issue: cosmetics, pigeons and droppings

In this first special issue we address the inclusion of pigeons in the World of Cosmetics. The cosmetics industry extracts many of its raw materials from plants and animals. One original idea comes from Japan:  they produce a facial treatment made from nightingale droppings. This is a very exclusive product that is highly popular among the wealthy classes -for instance, it's been hailed that Victoria Beckham uses it. Our team discovered a local Spanish enterprise that has plans of emulating it at low cost. The key idea is to use pigeon droppings as the raw material for a luxury face cream. Our team organized a visit to this factory, in Lugo, North-West of Spain. This is the interview that we held.

We arrived at the farm, Mrs. Antelo was waiting for us. Is this a farm or a cosmetic factory? I asked, looking at the chickens. Well, we are just starting, she said smiling.... I like to say that this is a family business.

An artistic picture of a wild pigeon in the farm gardens. Later we discovered that it was trying to get into the facility.

This is a bio-sustainable enterprise. It is in countryside and it doesn't pollute.  Green and feathered, is our slogan. The facility consists of a big glass house which contains the pigeon habitat and a small attached building where the cosmetics are produced. Mrs. Antelo explained the idea to us: here, the pigeons live in the glass house. Is is a 130 sq. meter habitat. and includes everything they need.... water supply, grass, some little trees and the shelves where they nest. Of course, we feed them with a special food.... this is the key element of our product. It is a mixture of seeds, seaweed and oligoelements. They are confined inside the habitat, so we keep complete control of everything they eat. By the way, here comes Raffaela. A pigeon approaches and curiously looks at us. It is funny, I think, that they use human names for the pigeons.

 All the pigeons are born in the habitat. They are kept for 2 years and then released. We do this because we need young animals and it is actually a shame, because they are happier inside than outside. At the beginning they try to come in, but after a while they realise that it is impossible and give up. They start a new life in nearby towns. Every pigeon passes a weekly test. We analyse the weight, health and presence of parasites. In this picture we can see Alexandra's weekly check-up.

 So, what is the idea of all this? I asked. For first time in the interview Mrs. Antelo's expresion is serious. Well, we collect the pigeon droppings. Actually, we don't collect all of it, only the ones deposited close to their nests, for ease of collection. We have plastic containers around the nests. This raw material is very rich in nitrates, phosphorus and potassium. In addition, it contains chemicals related to their special diet that are key elements for the final cosmetic product. Then, in the lab, the pigeon poop is sterilized, processed, the Ph is corrected and some extra ingredients are added in order to produce the final cosmetic.

It is important to detect the harmful presence of fungus in the pigeon droppings

But it is pigeon poo! I exclaimed. Mrs. Antelo smiles again. Yes, in the end it is, but it works!! Now, we are going to apply for the approval of the Health Ministry. We currently have two products, the soft and hard peeling. We are currently testing them on ourselves and on volunteers from the nearby villages. The soft peeling is similar to the Japanese product, but the hard one.... trust me, it is awesome. For two days your face burns and you need painkillers and heavy moisturising creams, but after that, the skin on your face as soft as a baby's bum.

Why don't you use pretty doves instead of pigeons? I asked naively. Mrs. Antelo laughs very loud "different colour, same poo".

King Pigeon Jr.

Pd.- Please, don't try to use pigeon droppings on your face at home. It is a very abrasive substance.